Throughout my Heilkunst journey, I’ve gone through certain phases where my body is processing and releasing both stored emotions and actual toxins. At times this has been intense, and sometimes has felt like any gains that I have made physically, mentally, and spiritually, seem to have been a delusion, as I find myself in what I sometimes refer to as being back “in the trenches.” My Heilkunst practitioner told me from the beginning that the journey she would be assisting me with would consist of many peaks and valleys, with an overall steady upward trend of expansion and well-being. This has certainly proved to be true. I feel like a completely different person than I was 5 years ago, able to do things and see things that were not close to possible before. It now consistently brings me to tears with feelings of gratitude. Most of the time it’s difficult to convey properly in words, and I don’t talk about it very often with most people. That being said, every now and then, I will find myself at a point in my timeline where I have trouble seeing through the fog into the truth. I feel cut off from gratitude, from seeing the bigger picture, and the lesson at hand. It’s a time of releasing stuck energy from the past, and it can most definitely be rough, as these energies impact my thoughts, feelings, and my physical body. Though seemingly subtle, energy medicine can be intensely powerful and paradigm-shifting as it assists the shedding of disease energy and false beliefs, often times at a faster pace than life normally delivers to us in our day to day experiences. During big shifts and times of releasing, I have had to do some extra steps in my regimen to assist in the healing process as disease energy is cured and released.
As I find myself in this current phase of contraction (after a lovely, long period of expansion–aww bummer), I have intuitively felt that I need to be cleansing and supporting my liver. I first started feeling this a little over a month ago. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I just felt like I was on the brink of pushing forth to a new horizon, and that somehow a lot of things were stored in my liver that would be a part of this process. I am coming up on my “never-been-well-since” events in my Heilkunst Timeline, which consist of a series of emotional events that were very traumatic for me, and sent me down a different road in life. This was the time when I became most noticeably cut-off from my self. I have been sensing this energy rise within me lately, and it feels linked to my liver and digestion in general. A lot of the emotions that I experienced during this portion of time in my life were intense anger, sadness/loss/grief, and fear. These are the energies that correspond to the tonic disease remedies of Staphysagria, Natrum Muriaticum, and Opium, respectively. I also know that this series of events spawned or triggered a host of other energies that were engendered. Some of these seem to include long-standing family threads of Lachesis, Arsenicum, and Thuja. Yippee!
My Heilkunst practitioner has been helping me move through this with remedies to address what is coming up, and I have been doing certain regimenal things to assist with the process. Some of the symptoms that have come up have been a return of overwhelming fatigue, dizziness/faintness, shortness of breath, and muscle fatigue. These were some of the main symptoms that prompted me to begin my Heilkunst journey. Another symptom I have been experiencing is liver pain. I have never had this before. So, what I have done to help support whatever may be going on is: a liver flush, dietary support, herbal support and cleansing/detoxification, nutritional support, and most recently, a coffee enema.
The liver flush was not a pleasant experience. I did one a few years ago, and felt that it didn’t do much of anything except make me kind of nauseous in the middle of the night. This time, I got some better results, but experienced a great deal of nausea and feverish sweating/chills in the middle of the night. It was pretty awful. Since doing that, a LOT of anger and rage has come forth.. The anger had been slowly surfacing anyway, which is what also made me think that I needed to help out my liver. The liver is the seat of emotions, especially the emotion of anger.
The first flush didn’t help with my fatigue, so I was planning to continue doing more in a series, but I couldn’t really fathom the idea of doing it again, so I decided I would try coffee enemas instead. Therapeutic enemas have been used for centuries, and “in the 1920s, German scientists found that a caffeine solution could open the bile ducts and stimulate the production of bile in the liver of experimental animals.” More information on coffee enemas can be found here. After doing some research, I decided to add a few drops of tangerine essential oil to my coffee solution. The experience was very pleasant, and I plan on doing a few coffee enemas a week during this current detoxification phase.
Another thing that I have been doing is using specific herbs to help cleanse and detoxify the liver. I have been adding tinctures to my daily green drink. My friend, The Rogue Herbalist, who is currently studying herbalism and makes his own wildcrafted tinctures, sent me some burdock seed tincture, which I have been adding, as well as milk thistle and a shot of Herbal Revolution’s Bitters Tonic (contains ginger root, burdock root, lemon peel, dandelion root, lemon balm, yellow dock, lemongrass, astragalus, schisandra berries, and chamomile). I have also been boosting my regimen with more organ meats, specifically organic grass-fed beef liver, one serving daily, which I consume in the form of an amazing home-made pate (recipe here).
One of the biggest things that I know is a part of this detoxification is for me to ground deeper into the process of alchemizing anger into creativity. I have been able to ground a lot of truths about other emotions, and learn the lessons from them, but anger has been one difficult one for me to transform. I often avoid feeling it because of this. I just haven’t really known what to do with it. This is due in part to a lot of suppressed anger (Staphysagria), and also because of my constitution, Silica. Silica constitutions feel things very deeply, but have to intellectualize and think about the emotions before being able to resolve them, or even express them. Therefore they tend to hold on to a lot and having trouble letting go. I have not been able to intellectually analyze and grasp my anger, which has then just looped back around into shame over the years (and more anger for not being able to “figure it out” and see the truth. This is very frustrating for a Silica to not be able to figure something out through analyzing!). Another thing that I have recently realized is that I subconsciously create the illusion that I’m in control of something, and then when the proves consistently to not be the case, it makes me angry. It’s as if this illusion of control (Arsenicum, Thuja) has been there as an armor to keep me from feeling both anxiety and rage.
So, I know that this is part of it all. This is part of what I need to be dealing with. I need to figure out how to apply Reich’s four-beat cycle (Tension, Charge, Discharge, Relaxation) to my anger. This can be done through resonant sex, as one consciously chooses to turn rage into love. What clicked in my head last night was that the energy that drives the orgasm, our generative creative energy, is the same energy we use to creatively produce things. THIS is the task. I need to keep this energy in motion and move it through me and out of me by GROUNDING it down in the generative, sexual process of creation. I need to use this energy to fuel my passion and desire for truth, and to convey it out into the world. Interestingly, this is exactly what I was working on right before all of this came up. I was working on some of the blockages that tend to keep me from expressing and communicating the things that I know and see. So, letting go of some fear and control around how other’s might view me has now landed me smack dab in the middle of the anger.
This process is all so very lovely and beautiful to me, as I continue to see the patterns of energy that run through me, how they correspond to the remedies I’m taking, where I am at in my time-line, and how they correspond to physical symptoms in my body. This is why I absolutely love studying Heilkunst and look forward to being able to witness these journeys in my future patients, seeing the amazing patterns of spirit operating scientifically in a grounded manner in this world.